the sun's on my side
bring me for a ride
i smile up the sky
i know i'll be alright
♥ ♥ ♥

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

crying proves i'm human, but laughing doesn't prove i'm alright.

i really miss you, babe.

I'm alive and kicking, still.
well, i know that's a little surprising.
these few days had been a little better.
i think I'm getting the hang of things soon.

-Monday, 28/2-
went with Marcus to Yio Chu Kang, Thye Huay Hwan Hospital for his poly check up.
went and reached at 11am, quite surprise to see a full room there.
and what's worse?
the slots are filled for the day, so it's essentially a wasted trip.

we stayed until 12.30pm or so nonetheless, he went for a quick X-ray scan to save the time tomorrow.
poor guy had to reach the hospital by 8.30am the next day.

skating at Kallang Leisure Park thereafter was awesome.
second time ice skating and i fared pretty well.
could go rather fast and stable too.
yayz.
but i fell pretty bad and hard.
cause of some little girl who started doing her spins without looking around her.
i had to fall to avoid getting my neck slit by her skates.
extent of injury?
see below.

looks like i got pretty roughed up uh?

-Tuesday, 1/3-
first of march.
time passed pretty quick uh?

attended church wide Bible study with Marcus at Jurong West.
almost can't get into main auditorium cause we didn't have tickets.
but my amazing daddy found some spares for us. <3
the service was AMAZING.
truly amazing and anointed.
i know it'd be a great bible study session with Pastor Kong, but never had i expected myself to receive so much from it.
i felt the presence of God in the place, it's so tangible, so real.
i could feel Him touch everyone in the place, He moved so mightily.
I'm truly, truly amazed.
praise the Lord for such an amazing pastor that would minister to our hearts.

i woke up today feeling very moody and down.
i woke up, and the day started to unfold with a plethora of feelings and thoughts running through my mind.
i was equally distraught as i was impassive about the situation i was caught in.
there wasn't anything that i could do other than muttering 'i love you' and 'i miss you' under my breath.
i can't let you hear what i say, i don't wanna make you feel pressured or incapable of solving problems.
when i couldn't hold back no more, i texted you to let you know i miss you.
it wasn't the reply i wanted; i didn't expect it to be.
but at least i know you're not ready.
i find myself thinking about a bunch of 'what if'.
but i didn't really tried to think of the words 'faith' and 'believing'.
it's akin to having a slapping someone before you knew why you did it.
i don't really know if i ought to be sorry for my insensitivity or should i just let myself run wild.
but i guess love made me choose the former- i don't wanna be just yet another regular jerk you'd meet, not the typical jerk that is all about me-myself-and-i.
i guess it's a price that I've to pay for falling so deep and so fast.
i don't see myself falling for someone else.
i admit;
I'm a little impatient, I'm all but perfect,
I'm very sensitive about the wrong things, i get jealous more often than you think i do.
i like things my way, i don't like moving out of my comfort zone.
i crap more than i talk and think, i think my lame jokes are the only thing that made me look okay when I'm not.
but I'm willing to change every single damn bit, just to get one more shot at it.
just one more shot, i don't wanna let go no more.
I'd exchange all i had just for that chance.
but i know i can't be selfish.

it had come to a point whereby everything you see is just a facade.
yet another disguise of ambiguity of my true emotions.
i don't want people to see through.
i don't know if anyone can sympathise.
no, i don't need sympathy.
all i need is a little love, and a little more time.
i guess life is all about adaptations, like it or not.
i hate to admit it but i did feel like giving up.
but i realise one thing- you're more than just something i can give up on.
i reminded myself how we should put our trust in God that everything will be okay.
i don't if this is what God wants me to hold on to, but i shall put my faith to the test.
I'll trust that everything will be alright at the end of the day.
i guess He's the only one i can turn to now.
He'll be my foundation of strength and faith.
I'll hold on with His strength and not mine.
1 Corinthians 3:11
'For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ."

i think i'm okay now, after venting.

ciaos.

Aaron Tan

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