the sun's on my side
bring me for a ride
i smile up the sky
i know i'll be alright
♥ ♥ ♥

Friday, February 18, 2011

barely surviving.

I'm glad that I'm still alive, though barely.
life these few days hadn't been very kind to me, fate is just as cruel.
i know, i need optimism.

many things happened lately, not many are worth celebrating.
good and bad stuffs gets trashed all out, i don't know which is the dominating element.
well, i guess not everything goes your way.

i guess there's some major changes that had gone on in my life. ( in order of importance )

1. mommy passed away on 31st December 2010.
2. I've got myself into a tricky relationship.
3. starting poly life soon.
4. getting into dialect band.
5. joining band 'Sky Avenue'

lets start from the back.

-Joining band 'Sky Avenue'-
i guess this is a pretty big step in my passion for music.
yea, i got into a band called 'Sky Avenue'.
band mates are pretty cool, vocals are superb and drummer plays well.
you've guessed it, i play the guitar again.
but sadly we lack a bassist.
pity.
keep a look out for upcoming posts 'cause we'll be covering some songs.
songs like
-Thunder, Boys like Girls
-The Great Escape, Boys like Girls
-Two is better than One, Boys like Girls
-Guardian Angel, Red jumpsuit apparatus.
-Fall for you, Secondhand serenade.
-September, Daughtry.
-Life after you, Daughtry.
so keep in check alright?

-Getting into dialect band-
the next big thing.
it's not gonna be a walk in the park trying to get into the band and start playing officially on the acoustic guitar ( don't even think about the lead 1 or 2 ), but i guess I'll try to pull through.
the playing style is just so vastly different, I'll have a hard time trying to get things right.
but by faith, I'll accomplish the change so as to better serve God.
with faith the size of a mustard seed, i can move mountains.

-Starting poly life soon-
another big issue.
yea, i guess secondary school life is a thing of the past, its time to move on right?
secondary school life had been rather eventful, I'm not surprised to find myself missing and reminiscing about it already.
what else can i ask for? great friends, brothers, memories, teachers, life-mentors, you name it.
for all the 4E8 '10 brothers and sisters, 4E8 '10 will not be forgotten and we are brothers and sisters for life. *slaps chest and shout 48!*
poly life's gonna be something fresh, not that i don't like new stuffs but i guess it's human nature?
i guess we are always to comfortable with what we have now and we're reluctant to change.
yes, I'm too comfortable with my pillows and 1am~11am sleeping hours already.
lets hope i won't be late for school.

-I've got myself into a tricky relationship-
yes, this is very, very important to me.
it's pretty surprising to find myself getting into another relationship after a considerably long time, i didn't really expect myself to find one.
it came pretty much as a surprise, for the both of us.
rather unexpected, but still a pleasant surprise, for awhile.
she's not very close to me until recently.
i don't know how/when/why I've fallen for her.
well, i guess love works in an unpredictable way.
i like her a lot and we started dating on 11th January 2011.
i shan't announce the name yet, for some reason i don't wish to disclose.
but it ended pretty abruptly; she needed more time to cope with her studies.
well, i admit i was a little selfish; i didn't want to let her go.
it was already the second time she required time, but i don't blame her for it.
she's having her 'O's this year, and that's no easy shit.
well, i did the best thing i guess, i had to let her go.
we've just made it past 1 month and it ended just as quickly too.
not that i blame her for that, its just very confusing as to where should i go now.
its as if I've lost that certain, new-found momentum in life.
yea, it hurt a whole lot. and I've cried. but I'm not afraid to admit it.
God gave me emotions.
but i guess letting her go was the best thing for both of us, at least for now.
the only consolation was that she still loved me.
i don't know if i made the right decision, but daddy told me not to regret for what i decided but regret for what i did not.
and i didn't want to love anyone else anymore, love can be a very tiring affair.
and i just felt she's the one.
so i told her I'd wait, wait until her 'O's over, wait until she's ready for everything.
its not gonna be easy nor short, but its not gonna be impossible either.
i seek the blessings of God, and i seek His grace for me to make it through and His wisdom and protection in whatever she does.
Philippians 4:13
'i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'

-Mommy passed away on 31st December 2010-
the biggest change in my life.
it was abrupt.
it was shocking.
it was agonising.
it was the Will of God.
she died just 14days after her admittance into the hospital for random bruises on her thighs.
what started out as bruises turned out to be low platelet count and inability to clot blood.
the actual cause was unknown until her death, cause was finally determined as the world's newest form of cancer- and it had just claimed it's first victim.
i guess it was all planned by God.
yes, it's a tough journey, by no means is it a walk in the park.
its thoroughly agonising and despairing.
let's all face it, no one likes to lose their parent.
but I'm glad for one fact- her salvation.
she received Christ during her stay in the hospital.
I'm happy that the love of God had finally moved her.
its depressing that she had moved on, but it's a joy to know that she's going to a better place, with better people, to live a better life.

i miss you Mom. i know you're in a far away place now, but i know you're happier.
i know i won't see you again in my days on earth, but I'd look forward to be with you again in the heavens.
and when that day arrives, i can finally call you mommy again.
I'm sorry i had never been filial to you, i hadn't fulfilled my duties as your son.
i regret not telling 'i love you' when you're still around.
i wished you were with me when i collected my 'O' level results, 'cause mom, I've finally done you proud- I've finally succeeded.
but if only you were here to see.
I'll be a good boy and take care of myself, daddy and God will take care of me.
i love you, Mom.

ciaos.

Aaron Tan

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28/10/94
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